The Uniformity Police or The Spontaneity Police

to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children"

Here in Church we must be solemn,
We must never crack a joke,
Not a smile, not a laugh,
Staying always on the path
We obey the Uniformity Police.

For the afterlife we hanker
So we'll live like we are dead.
We will sit upon the fence
Never show exuberance.
We obey the Uniformity Police.

Dull and grey is the best color
Never shall we be bright and gay.
Don't you dare repaint that room,
Aesthetic sense will be our doom.
We obey the Uniformity Police.

by Peter A. Taylor and Carol T. L. Phillips

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